Love...Or Lack Thereof in Waiting for the Barbarians

After reading the first four sections of Waiting for the Barbarians, I can only think of one word to describe my state of mind: confused. The concept of love, or lack thereof, in the novel completely baffles me. At first, it seemed as though the narrator only wanted to help the beggar “barbarian” woman because of his guilty conscience. However, things became strange when he started caressing her feet and later, bathing her. He seemed to care about her enough to not simply keep her around for the sexual pleasures; in fact, he does not even have sex with her until months of knowing her. Still, he rejects her when she wants to make love and instead sneaks off in the nights to have sex with a prostitute. If he is truly in love with this barbarian woman, why is it that he can hardly picture her in a sexual way? Also, I was dumbfounded by her desire to make love to him. At first, I assumed that she simply wanted to know that she was good enough for him; however, later events in the reading prove this theory to be false. If the knowledge of being wanted was all that she was after, she surely would not have snuck into his bed naked and finally had sex with him. If she was so keen to be with him, one would assume that she also cared deeply for him, perhaps even loved him. This is clearly not the case, as when she is given the opportunity to either return to her barbarian peoples or to stay with the narrator, she chooses to leave him. Why is it that she wanted to have sex with the old, and judging by the descriptions throughout the novel, unattractive man when she had no reason to do so? If she was truly just with him because there was nowhere else to be, wouldn’t she savor the opportunity to not be sexually exploited? I am unsure as to how the two feel about one another, but I think it is safe to say that the relationship leaves the reader with several questions that will hopefully be answered as the novel continues (366).